painting Again

If you read my blog post My Health Story you know my health has dominated my life lately. Resulting in not much of me left over for painting. My most recent creative endeavor have been my flower drawings and I haven't drawn in over a year. My last painting was a self-portrait painted in January of 2014. I remember the extremely bad physical pain painting caused me that day. The tears wouldn't stop. So, I stopped painting. This was the first time in many years of fighting, I picked up my white flag and I laid my boxing gloves down. I didn't know what else to do. That day I let my health claim victory over me and I let my health start to lead my life in and instant. I am a fighter by nature and in that moment I was weary and exhausted. I couldn't face the fact that the one constant in my life painting, could cause me so much physical pain. Ultimately on that day, I was set down a path which steered me to the present, facing my health head on and taking back control of my life.

You see, for the longest time, I fought my health all while simultaneously ignoring it too. I hoped my health would one day magically get better. I also, let my own trust in people and how they reacted to my health sculpt my own thoughts and feelings towards my health. Not anymore. Recently, I have worked hard to accept my life, my health, my dreams as they are today. I know now, that if I want to paint again I can't expect it to be pain-free, or that I will have enough energy to paint for three or four hours straight. Maybe someday, just not today. Please note too, that I have my bad day and desperately want to go back to ignoring my health and praying it will all go away. I'm not perfect. However, if I want happiness, contentment, and joy in my life. I have to recreate my dreams though the acceptance of my life today.

A good friend of mine and a wonderful painter, Laine Wurzel offered me some brilliant advice a while ago. I wasn't able to take her guidance then, but I am now. She suggested I try painting for just ten minutes every day. Starting May 1, I hope to paint 10 minutes a day for 30 days and see what I can accomplish. If you want to see what the outcome of this endeavor, follow me @SarahMeder on Instagram. I will be updating my progress. 

Now the big question is, what do I paint? Flowers, my rubber chicken, something totally abstract, the dog laying at my feet right now? I have some thinking to do.